People with herpes should wear stickers.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
