I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
