A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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