I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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