i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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