My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
