I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
