So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
