Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
