who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
