Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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