I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
