what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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