Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
