I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
