accomplished twins. life is a go
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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