the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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