They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
