he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
