you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
