My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
