The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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