Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Send help, water and tortillas.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
