Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
