Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
