Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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