i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
