i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
