I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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