are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
