i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
