i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
