i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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