the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
