Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
