Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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