I want to make a zoo with you.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
