just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
