help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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