You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dicks are not precious.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
