Non-Jews are for practice
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
