we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
