i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
