you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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