OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
