You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
