My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
