This is not my ceiling
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
