Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
