Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
did i just pee glitter
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
