can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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