Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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