Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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