hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
